A Choice, Not A Mistake?
As it is rightly said, true love has no expiration date. Many of us hope to be in a relationship that will last a lifetime. But how many times have we been left heartbroken when the relationship doesn’t work out the way we hoped it would, or worse, our lover cheats on us? Being cheated on can undoubtedly be the worst kind of heartbreak. Ask anyone who has gone through it and they will tell.
19-year-old Anjali Sonawane narrates how she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her. “He first started texting more often even when I was around. Not letting me see his phone, snatching it away even if I try to pick a call, deleting a message and call history, frequently changing lock patterns and so on had become a common thing. I trusted him too much to even think that he was cheating on me. Every time I tried talking to him about distance creeping into our relationship, he gave me clichéd excuses like work burden, exams, family problems and the like. This went on for a month and I was helpless. A month later I got a call from a mutual friend (between the girl he was currently dating and me). She invited me to her college and asked me to go to a particular place. And that’s when I caught him making out with the other girl,” she says. Not wanting to crumble the relationship of over a year, she forgave him in the hope that he wouldn’t do it again. “Being the naive and immature me, I forgave him. But he cheated on me again. And then I just called it quits. It was only then that he realised that I was the one and tried coming back, but I wasn’t ready to be cheated on again. So I began going out with a guy who liked me. And my ex accused me of cheating on him,” she says.
Many people get cheated on, but the consequences differ. It totally depends on how he/she deals with the heartbreak. Nikhil Chandwani, who found his girlfriend cheating on him with his best friend when he was busy travelling on business trips says, “It hurts. But now I have just accepted the fact and moved on.” He does not blame her and believes that we live in a make-believe world to dismiss our insecurities and thus fail to understand the warning signs that the relationship is not on the right track. Busy schedules and work pressure can definitely take a toll on the relationship. When you cannot give your best to the relationship, the partner will obviously feel neglected. Isn’t it? “We expect, get hurt and then blame the world. Expectations tend to help us in getting rid of our insecurities. Sadly, that is why relationships fail. Cheating is a choice. People who expect too much from a relationship find it more difficult to cope with a cheating partner,” he says.
“Cheating in a relationship is not right at all. Many people are heartbroken and tremendously hurt after being cheated on, but they never really try to find out the reasons why they were cheated on in the first place. If there is an understanding between the two people, and they can openly share and discuss their opinions and desires, nothing of that sort will ever happen,” says Ravinder Singh, noted author of ‘I Too Had A Love Story’ and ‘Can Love Happen Twice’. “Whenever there are serious fights and you realise that your partner is not really happy, try to find solutions. Cheating happens when needs aren’t met. Be it physical, emotional or mental. So the best way to avoid these is to try to love selflessly and keep the other person happy,” says 25-year-old AgneloD’souza.
The worse thing about being lied to is knowing that you weren’t worth the truth. 23-year-old HimanshuChabbra believes it is very difficult to get over the feeling of being cheated on. “I could have got over the fact that her love faded away. But I can never get over what I felt when I found her guilty,” he says when he found his girlfriend was in love with someone else. Do not cheat in a relationship. If you are unhappy, let the person know, or else just leave. It hurts less that way!
One is left with a tremendous feeling of rejection and hollowness after being cheated on. It is difficult to figure out whether it hurts more to be cheated on or because the relationship ends. There is a period where you are totally devastated. Even though many know that cheating is a bad thing that is not acceptable in a relationship and understand the consequences, they still do. Why?
Lack of Communication
Communication plays a very important in a relationship. Unless the two individuals are not comfortable enough to express their thoughts and feelings, they wouldn’t understand what they are doing wrong or what is troubling the other. As a result of which misunderstandings might increase and one of the partners might decide to give up on the relationship without even informing the other.
Lack of Real Intimacy
When the person feels that he/she is not loved and appreciated enough, they seek love and affection elsewhere. When they get attention from someone else which they haven’t received from their own partner, it definitely makes them feel special and they plunge into a new relationship without giving it much thought.
Boredom
Some people get easily bored with routine. They expect thrill every day of their life. When you are dating someone for a relatively longer time, there are chances that the initial spark disappears and they seek thrills elsewhere.
Emotional and Sexual
Dissatisfaction
This can be another cause for a cheating partner. It is up to you how you deal with your partner and work out something that is best for both of you.
Disturbed Relationship
When the relationship turns turbulent with constant fights and arguments even over petty issues, one of the lovers can get emotionally and mentally drained. Thus, they look for someone who can calm their nerves and keep them happy. Also, suspicion and nagging can lead to a person cheating on you!
Revenge
The person might cheat just to get back at you and make you understand how they felt when you previously cheated on them.
What to do when you are cheated on? Moving on seems very easy, but it isn’t as easy as it sounds. Here are few tips that will help you recover from your heartbreak:
Accept the Situation
You cannot change what went by. The sooner you accept this fact, the sooner you recover. Try to find out what went wrong and think about how you can avoid it henceforth.
Talk to a Close One
Sharing with someone can lighten your pain. Chose wisely whom you talk to. Avoid bad company that will lead you towards a road to self destruction. Surround yourself with people who will motivate and inspire you.
Try to Heal Constructively
Being cheated on can be very traumatic. But you can channelise your negative energy into something constructive. Make a list of things you always wanted to do and couldn’t. Develop a hobby of your choice. Listen to music. Read. Learn new things.
Forgive
As hard as it may sound, the relief you find after forgiving can be phenomenal. Preserve the good memories and try to release the bitter ones. The blame game won’t take you anywhere. So instead try to forget what went wrong.
Live More
Connect with many people you couldn’t during your relationship. Hang out with your friends and people who make you happy. Work towards becoming a better human being and happiness will follow.
Come to terms with the fact that the past is not in your control and work towards becoming a better person in your present and future. As it is rightly said, time heals everything. Remind yourself that you are not the only one who has been cheated on. It can make you feel a lot better knowing that there are several others sailing in the same boat as you. Just live your life, have good food (and lots of chocolate), travel, meet people, have fun and make better memories!
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